10 SUPER BOWL ADS REVIEWED: WHO SCORED A TOUCHDOWN AND WHO FUMBLED?

By Phil Barnes (pictured), Senior Creative at Connecting Plots Group.

Super Bowl Sunday – or in our case, Monday. It’s the only time in the year anyone gives a damn about Roman numerals. (Blimey, without the Super Bowl and the pope, it really would become a defunct numerical system, wouldn’t it?) But anyway, Super Bowl LX. Wowee, what a ride. The New England Patriots. The Seattle Frasier Cranes. Also, how great was Bad Bunny’s performance at half-time? Just wowee zowee.

As you can tell, I’m being sarcastic because I didn’t watch the game. I know NOTHING about American foosball, nor the music of Mr. Bunny. (I’m more of a Creed guy, you know. Remember when they performed at Super Bowl XXXV? Me neither BECAUSE IT DIDN’T HAPPEN. A lot of people think it did, but Creed actually played during a Thanksgiving game instead. 10 points to Hagrid.)

Anyway, I’ve reviewed some of the ads that aired during the game, which in hindsight was a complete waste of time given that none of them were broadcast here in Australia.

22-51-hut-hut-hut-Pizza Hut-hike (that’s an American foosball reference).

TOUCHDOWNS

Xfinity: Jurassic Park

Gosh, I love Jurassic Park, so seeing the original gang back together like this had me licking my laptop screen faster than you say ‘Clever girl.’ It’s great fun and well written. The CGI’s a bit dodgy in parts, but that just adds to the sweet nostalgic nectar. Also, how good’s Sam Neill? What a thespian.

Claude: Anti AI 

My LinkedIn feed blew up when this ad was released. So-and-so from you-know-where waxing (or typing) lyrical about its Mensa-worthy mastery. But is it? I don’t know anymore. Ai make phil dumb. phil ask claude for opinion on claude ad. claude say claude ad write good, using it as bigger thing to enslave human race.

Well I guess that settles it then. I mean, why would my mate/therapist Claude lie to me? Claude. CLAUDE!!!

TWO-POINT CONVERSION: Woah, Claude’s just told me there’s four Claude ads! IV Claude ads for Super Bowl LX. That must have cost, like, III Atlantic Oceans.

Fanatic Sports: Bet on Kendall

Gambling ads aren’t really my cup of English Breakfast, but at least this Super Bowl ad has an idea at its core (unlike you, Ritz – see below). Plus, judging by the viral exchanges between Kendall Jenner and one of her exes, it’s generating plenty of chit-chat.

Novartis: Relax Your Tight End

I had to ask my mate Claude what a Tight End is in relation to American foosball, and he said a Tight End’s a member of the offensive team (what did the team do to be deemed offensive? *Bad Joke Klaxon*). ANYWAY, this ad is full of Tight Ends chillin’ out, maxin’, relaxin’, all cool because they’ve learned a prostate exam starts with a simple blood test. I didn’t know that. Cool. Anything that punts prostate cancer out of bounds is a winner in my playbook.

Dove: The Game is Ours

Nice message. Nice editing. For me, it’s not as emotive or stirring as some of the brand’s past work, but it does the job. The second time I watched it, I tried to clap and stamp along in time with the beat. Give it a try. You’ll look like an absolute pillock.

FUMBLES

Ritz: Ritz Island

Jon Hamm, you’re not a comedic actor. Stop trying to be a comedic actor. You’re not funny. Ay-yi-yi. What a waste of talent. It’s obvious the brand just threw money at three high-profile celebrities instead of coming up with a decent idea. Ritz Island? Eurgh, give me a break. I’d rather party on Plastic Island if Jon Hamm’s going to act weird. And Bowen Yang, you left SNL to do stuff like this? Forgetta ‘bout it.

Skittles: Deliver the Rainbow 

Ah-ha! There was bound to be one ad that lived outside the TV box this year and here it is – Skittles: Deliver the Rainbow. So it turns out that one lucky person could win the chance to have Frodo Baggins perform the actual Skittles ad at their home on game day. Unless you’re a Lord of the Rings fan, why would you enter? “Bring forth the advert, Frodo”. Damn, I love Lord of the Rings. How good’s Hugo Weaving as Elrond? What a thespian.

Ramp: Multiply What’s Possible   

Oh, it’s that dude from The Office. He’s funny. He’ll make this ad memorable and leave me feeling positive about the brand.

Wait, who’s this for?

Hellmann’s: Sweet Sandwich Time

‘Meal Diamond’ played by Andy Samberg, singing and squirting mayonnaise around a deli if it were located inside a suburban bingo hall. This is pretty woeful stuff, people. In fact, this ad made me so mad I ran outside and accidentally punched a beehive, mistaking it for my uncle’s piñata.

Raisin Bran: Will Shat

If the brief was to get constipated jocks to eat Raisin Bran then I guess this works. Poor William Shatner though. 94 years-young and reduced to jokes about faecal matter. What would Spock think? May the force…wait, wrong one.

Right, that’s enough, I’m off to eat my tossed salad and scrambled eggs. (How good’s Frasier? What a TV show.)

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