I WANT TO MARRY A PRODUCER
by Ted Royer, executive creative director of droga5, New York.
Producers are great. They are my favorite people in
advertising. And I want to marry one. Since every
single person I’ve met over the last 15 years works in
advertising or some related industry, I’ve realized
that I’m destined to marry an ad person. After a brief
panic attack, I thought about producers and felt much
better. I want to marry a producer.
I don’t want to marry an account services person.
Sure, they can take lots of pressure and abuse from
the world, and they’re organized (a definite
prerequisite for my future spouse), but we’d quickly
realize that while we share many goals, ultimately,
she may not care enough about my goals. And caring
about my goals, or at least seeming to, is very
important.
I’m not going to marry a traffic person. They propel
jobs through the agency and thus are obviously good at
getting stuff done. But they cry too much. Or they
yell too much. Or they cry while yelling. There is
crying and yelling at some point in every marriage. I
wish to keep it to the bare minimum in mine.
Marrying another creative seems like a great idea. We
would laugh together. We would dream together. We
would make amazing plans together. But we wouldn’t
know how to get any of those plans done or how to
actually make anything happen. And then we would blame
each other.
I could marry one of my clients. We would have a great
initial relationship. She would find me really funny
and inventive, but over time, she might begin to doubt
my motives and commitment. And she’d be right. Am I
bored? Am I ultimately looking to trade up? Am I
looking for a newer, fresher challenge? I’d be coy and
say no. But the real answer would be… maybe.
No, I want to marry a producer. A producer listens to
the most batshit crazy idea and doesn’t say yes or no
or ask why, but instantly asks “How?” She could talk
me out of dumb things with grace and logic, or
conversely show me what it’s possible to do with
virtually nothing. A producer realizes that just as
business and creativity need each other,
responsibility (her) and irresponsibility (me) do too.
A producer wouldn’t be afraid of different challenges,
no matter what form they took. A producer would be
tough, fighting battles I’d neither see nor even know
about. A producer would plan for a rainy day and not
even tell me she was doing it and then, when it
started to rain, she’d say, “It’s covered, go over to
the food table.” A producer would stay up all night
partying with me, then make sure what needs to get
done gets done, while I sleep. Marrying a producer
would allow me to be as self-absorbed, self-indulgent,
self-congratulatory, naval-gazing and “creative” as I
want to be.
Of course, I could always date someone outside of the
industry and see what the rest of the world is like.
But that would be weird.
96 Comments
been done before.
I LOVE this. Best thing on the blog in ages.
I always take a motherly warmth from producers. I like it when they lick a hanky and wipe my face with it.
Mmm, they make everything alright.
sigh. I think i’m in love.
Writing ‘been done before’ has been done before.
hey teddo this isn’t a matchmaking site
I married a planner and then the agency receptionist. Both ended in tears.
Hmmmm, producer you say?
I’m a producer and this made me laugh. thank you
I married a producer. The only problem is that she doesnt like to take her work home with her.
check with monty.
Stop fantasizing about Jasmine Ted.
Scot
Nice Ted, you’re obviously a funny guy and a good writer, but what’s the point?
Sounds a little bit Mt. Gambier to me.
Great article, and so true. I’m married to a fellow creative and we’re thinking of adopting a producer. Any takers? We’re both really secure people, seriously.
The problem with producers is, they want to please everyone. What you want is a financial controller. They report to one man.
I married another copywriter.
Our shopping lists are original, relevant and interesting. But nothing ever gets bought.
Brilliant. And so true.
I married a female client.
Now I have to take it up the arse.
this is so great! really good point! and what’s even greater is that i really am marrying a producer!!!
All female producers have colourful pasts – and I mean on the dirty side.
i’m a producer.
this article just made my day 🙂
i want to marry an executive creative director …
whoa a lot of women showing up in these here comments
Lovely read! I’m from Creative and yes, I am now open to dating – and later on hook up, with producers!
I think you need a second opinion on this.
I married an art director.
That means ..
Oh fuck, I can’t be bothered.
how tall is Ted?
I’m an art director and was going to marry a Creative Director but he pulled the pin on the whole wedding day while I was on the way to the church and 9 months worth of hard work, lunch, booze and photographers bills have gone down the toilet.
Now we’re about to get married again. He’s chosen the flowers. And written my vows. And picked the photographer. It’s going to be exactly the same, just my family will sit one row back from the original seating plan.
Life’s wonderful, isn’t it?
I married a producer – she produced 2 kids and 4 edits of each birth!
I want to marry Ted. But I’m a creative.
Give a fuck
Very funny and so very true.
I am concerned by the stereotypical use of a female as a producer.
Surely, if the affection for a producer is genuine, it should matter not what their gender is.
4.57
So what made you think he wants to marry a woman?
p.s. how many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
One. AND IT’S NOT FUNNY!
Why don’t we just marry our jobs?
Jeez.
I remember advertising – a good few years ago, on another continent – where creatives didn’t just come from colleges. They came from building sites, from teaching in schools, off the back of motorcycles in despatch companies, from cooking in old folks’ homes.
Once they’d secured a desk in an agency, they spent most of their time away from it – encouraged by their CDs – seeing movies, visiting museums, drinking in the afternoon, lapping up life, mingling with the people they were talking to in their advertising.
How did we get so cosy? So inward looking? So parochial? So tied to our own overheated little industry? Or perhaps that’s Ted’s point. Perhaps I missed it.
(Oh, and 3.27pm, don’t do it. The writing’s on the wall).
there are bloke producers too – thought of that? …bit of old school sexism going on here
Isn’t this a job ad for D5 Aus?
Writing “Been done Before” when it has been done before, has been done before
I married a producer. best move i ever made. but i did meet her before she was a producer and before i was a copywriter (so please don’t accuse me of being an inward focusing wanker)
I’m a producer, a female one, and regardless of whether anyone thinks it sexist i think it’s a bit of fun and a nice read on a shitty day. It made me laugh.
Creatives and producers are meant to be. Maybe not for better or worse but certainly for some fun times. It’s written in the advertising stars.
a producer would shop until you had no money left
5.42
but would he want to marry one?
Chumming the waters for Cannes, nice one Ted.
Hey Ted
Nice read – made me smile
But the worrried look on your face reminds me of our trips out to Toyota
Perhaps we should have taken a Producer with us?
Take care mate
NM
I’m with a producer and she takes me out every night and puts it on your job numbers . Then I score and she puts it on your job numbers. Then we get a hotel room and fuck all night and she puts it on your job numbers.
Producers rule. Then I cab it home and she puts it on your job numbers.
In fact every agency in town has paid for me and my producer to get it on.
Thankx y’all.
M
Marry a DOP…much better looking….
I thought Creative Directors always got the services of producers free of charge
Fuck me! If every person I’d met in the last fifteen years was in advertising, I’d be one sad mutherfucker.
And the point of this is….?
To 5.31 pm who wrote:
“Once they’d secured a desk in an agency, they spent most of their time away from it – encouraged by their CDs – seeing movies, visiting museums, drinking in the afternoon, lapping up life, mingling with the people they were talking to in their advertising.
How did we get so cosy? So inward looking? So parochial? So tied to our own overheated little industry? Or perhaps that’s Ted’s point. Perhaps I missed it.”
I think we’re all a little too bloody busy these days to be away from the agency that much. We’re not in the 80s anymore Dorothy.
Besides, youtube, theage.com.au, pirate copies of underbelly, thecoolhunter.net and knickerpicker.com (when I’ve really got spare time) all serve pretty well as sources of staying in touch with the modern world.
How very oldschool.
Sounds like you want a PA not a wife, and u view advertising as a series of 80’s stereotypes.
Lose weight and you might have a chance
god, some of you people are humourless!
Very funny, but like many creative advertising ideas missing a fundamental point.
Producers may find Creatives entertaining and amusing to lunch with, fun to go on away shoots with – and drink late into the night with. They may even find them charming on ocassion – and in a certain dingy light might even imagine themselves lying drunk in your arms. But all this light and love is usually overshadowed on the set or in meetings, where they are more often than not unbearably childish, totally egostical, very rude and utterly self-obsessed with their own brilliance.
So they just don’t like them very much.
Therapists perhaps?
This. The arrogance of a man who wants a wife who will indulge his bullshit as if she didn’t have enough of that at work. We don’t all take our work home with us. I don’t even like planning a bloody vacation because it feels like work where I bend over backwards trying to appease account people who only care about budgets and schedules and creative babies who sometimes turn out to be sex pests.
Are people seriously saying he’s sexist for only wanting to marry a woman?
You want Ted to be bisexual for the sake of political correctness?
Boring and predictable, lets all perpetuate tired stereotypes shall we…… If you want a women to organise your life for you while you act precious, move back in with your mum
I screwed a producer, married a receptionist, had affairs with creatives and a PA’s, but never touched a client. Am I missing out?
If I had a man-gina I’d spoon you all night long Ted.
Hey 5:08, the way I heard it was:
How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to change it, and one to suck my c*ck.
I’m a producer and my poor wife lives with the devil… Under paid, under valued, temperamental, not really respected, alcoholic, eats sh!t food, lies about where-a-bouts b/c in a pub and hides drinking problem, getting uglier by the week due to drinking, eating and stress issues, last one to leave each day, addicted to porn sites, e-bay, Google and porn sites, and last but not least about to slash my wrists….. Can someone give me a job in I.T? my C.V is above…..
Ted’s a good catch. He’s from Philadelphia. Cheesesteaks & weekends at the Jersey Shore. Can’t ask for more than that!
Very sweet. And true. Producers are great. I’ve often marvelled at how they put up with shit coming from all angles, and still manage to pull everything together. I’m a chick, and I want to marry one too!
Ted
Having been your producer, I can tell you it wouldn’t work from day one. You’re married to your job, you’re writer comes first over everybody and I don’t take it in the bum.
Besides, I thought you enjoyed rooting mac operators too much!!!
Maaaggiiiii
3.09,
You’re right. Mine was the G rated version.
Just goes to show there’s more than one way to skin a feminist.
Cheers,
5.08
(By the way, I thought it was ‘big, fat c**k’)
Yoohoo! I’m a producer… will give you my husband’s phone number. Talk.
I’m still waiting for the punchline.
Funny that.
Most CD’s are suited to gold digging accounts girls. No wonder D5 are so different.
I married a client.
Our logo is of astronomical proportions.
I married a director. Laa Di daa.
thats for sure, guy
Ted,
From one Ted to another…I did marry a producer and you’re right.
Ted
PS – to make matters worse, i’m an account guy.
Dude, I think YOU are weird. And you ony exist within the ad world because in the real world you wouldn’t fit in. Weirdo!
Only marry a producer that says yes. R/GA producers all say no.
I’m a producer in NY and a damn good one! Thank you for finally recognizing how awesome we are!! And yea, lots of these comments are very applicable but I’ll let your imagination figure out which ones are true 😉
These comments are so patethic…I think because you are all Americans without a life that only marry at work..
I also married one, and because of her I started in this buisness.
We working togheter not on every project , because that would be a nightmare.
I as a Directro just wanna spend the whole budget and she in her jobdescription has to do the oposite.
Glad I won a Cannes lions due to her efforts and work,becasue honestly what would a director be without a …….
Not all producers are woman – in fact in my opinion the best producers are males – much more solid in bigger productions and no tears
Thank you for the article…
You just made my day. I always thought that no one will appreciate producers.
People just throw things on us.
great story ted. shame most people missed the tone of it. i would turn off the comments if i were you 🙂 deon x
you call yourself a creative and his is the best writing you can come up with?
Well HELLO!
I have been in advertising agencies and post production companies as a PRODUCER …. for many years …. too many years.
Wish I had read this before December 7th, when I met my current boyfriend (love of my life to date).
If I am unhappy with him in Feb 2016 I WILL PROPOSE …. TO YOU!
But you will be happily settled with your Producer by then for sure.
Good luck mate. Please keep me updated with your blog.
Funniest thing I have ever read.
Yours sincerely
Romilly Endacott
Producer Extraordinaire!
07973128152
OMG Ted. If I hadn’t met the man of my dreams in December …. I would be proposing. Romilly Endacott (PRODUCER OF ALL THINGS ADVERTISING AND POST PRODUCTION) and yes …. we can move mountains! Good luck in your search for your Producer Wife! If by Feb 2016 you are not betrothed, I will propose …..! x
And deep down, your producer wife would hate your guts and tell this to everyone else but you. Why? Because you never plan anything ahead of time like family vacations and visits to your mother, and you tell her to buy something at the grocery store that you absolutely need right now, after she’s already paid, left the parking lot, and pulling into the part of driveway you allow her to take credit for. Finally, she’d leave you for another creative at another agency, because she couldn’t take your crap another day, and realize she made the right move when you said it was great having her around. She knows that new creative is the same type of guy as you, but at least he has a bigger dick. And he’s younger, so maybe he can be molded a little bit.
Or maybe you can try to have a life. Boring.
I’m a bloody stone mason and by the sound of it I need to marry a producer,as long as she doesn’t mind me bringing lots of work,and various dead animals home. Any body wo thinks that sexist ought to try working on a bloody building site. They need to be dragged, kicking and screaming into the 1980’s.
Admitted account person here. I’m shocked to hear that account folk don’t fit the bill as they wouldn’t care enough about your goals. If we’re only talking pre-requisites of the job, the whole point of being an account person is to support other’s goals! Client goals, creative goals, agency goals. We’re the ‘make shit happen’ people.
Thank you. You just made my thank less day better.
A famous photographer once said to me, ‘Keep away from these f**ked up advertising birds; get yourself a normal bird like a nurse or a social worker. Y’know, a nice bit of normal…’
Honestly? Who cares???
Oh, it’s Droga5 so sit up and pay attention!
I’m a producer, married to someone out of industry. What a waste of me 🙂
So who did you Marry?
Well written, you must be a copywriter, ECD. I’m a producer too funny, but oh so very true. My hubby thinks I’m a nutter! 😂😂
I LOVE THIS, and my husband is going to too! Well said.
This article has sadly taken on a new meaning in the past 12 months…
I love you, I´m a Producer, and nobody said nothing so cool. Thank you so much !
marisa